My list of heroes is growing, which means I’m discovering what I’d like to do, who I’d like to be, my individuality.
I’m becoming more disciplined, which means the bridge between that ideal individuality and reality is being built.
But the bridge is being built slowly, brick by brick. Almost just a brick a day.
And the blueprints for the bridge keep changing because the architect (me) keeps learning and growing.
It’s like I’m in school to learn how to build bridges and on the first day they said to make a blueprint and every day in class I have to adjust the blueprint as I learn more about good design standards.
Luckily, there’s a good foundation…
And this process is probably as it should be.
Two steps forward, one step back; two steps forward, one step back; two steps forward, one step back; STOP! Hold on! We had to turn left three steps ago; let’s change directions now.
Or to continue the bridge metaphor, we had to use iron support beams, not steel, deconstruct it.
Truths of my life:
- My voice (unique perspective/artistic and societal contribution) will take a long time than I think it will to develop;
- Life along the way will be confusing, uncertain, and at times seem downright impossible;
- I probably will never reach my self-expectations because there is always room for improvement;
- The foreseeable future will certainly involve a not-so-delicate balance between being too hard on myself and setting realistic, gentle goals; and
- Despite everything, I will have to fight for idealism, faith, hope, and optimism, and this is likely going to involve a face marred by dust and sweat and blood and flawed, complex companions, not an idyllic trip through Oz with guileless, magic creatures.
And all that’s okay.
It’s more than okay, actually.
It’s expected to be as perfect as it should be not because I believe in some kind of predestination or destiny, but because this is the path I’ve chosen.
While others take the path of least resistance, I’ve chosen the one with great resistance, because that’s what leaders do.
Leaders are the ones who make hard decisions because they’re the right decisions.
Leaders are the ones who wake up every day and strive to be the example, despite the burden of high self-expectations, because that’s what the world needs.
The world has enough panderers, enough people who are comfortable appealing to the masses and to their own self-interest, enough folks who want money despite global suffering, enough people who just want good gigs.
The world needs people willing to sacrifice themselves to serve something: what’s good, what’s true, what’s hurting, and what’s vulnerable.
So I guess, yeah, my life is hard, but it’ll be worth it in the end.